School holidays start on Wednesday so I am not going to be up to posting much unless Emily is occupying herself and even then she calls on me every few minutes so its hard to focus on anything. I also have activities to take her to and accompany her on as well as a family holiday, I am exhausted just thinking about it and worried about how I am going to cope without my regular rests. I feel that I need to spend time with Emily and don’t want to just send her off to other people or childcare as she behaves badly when she comes back and I feel that I don’t get a lot of quality time with her as it is. Any time we do spend together is on her terms and is not always suitable. Or if I am feeling ok to do something she would rather play outside with friends. If I am doing something she wants my constant attention so its hard and we get lots of frayed tempers and tantrums and not just from Emily! We have quite a lot of fixed activities to do so I need to be able to do those, but makes it hard to have fun time as I am in my wheelchair or just observing, but its still not restful. People are happy to take Emily out or play with her for a while, but I get upset as those are the things I want to do, not the chasing her round getting her ready or dealing with the tantrums when she gets back. If we do do something, I am worn out by the getting ready and then can’t do much of the fun. Emily says I don’t care and don’t want to do things with her, which hurts, but to her that is what it looks like. Its difficult to know how to organise and prioritise when everything is such an effort and so difficult to know what is the best for Emily.
Emily is very unsettled at the moment, with family bereavements and teacher changes, teasing and falling out with friends, its hard to know how to deal with these things as they only normally come to light when she has been told off several times for being naughty or when she refuses to go to bed, so she gets disciplined instead of help.
The last few weeks have been so hectic I have had no time to relax and prepare myself. Rob’s grandma died on Friday so we now have another funeral to prepare for and attend and family to support, the emotional is as difficult as physical. The funeral will be at the same place as my grandma’s and probably the same location afterwards too, so it will be difficult to deal with coming so close after, only a month between the services! Rob and Emily went to Sheffield on Saturday to support his family, but I was not well enough to go. I felt very bad about it especially as we have spent so much time with my family.
One of the reasons I was so worn out was that I had a crazy day on Friday, with my audiologist here at 7am to bring my new hearing aid mould before he went on his holiday, so grateful to him, but meant a busier start to the day. Emily had her school trip to Fairburn Ings so had pack up to prepare. She had a great time pond dipping and bird watching and said they managed to be quiet, I must speak to the teacher see how she managed that one! I really wanted to go to my quilting class as missed last month and will miss next month, but it was very last minute that I actually made it and I did feel quite ill after, but I got most of the sashing sewed on. Just one more strip to cut for the top.
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