I am well aware!

What a day yesterday, I was feeling so ill and down and convinced myself I was so pathetic, I was so stressed frustrated and feeling useless I needed to rest but couldn’t I was so fed up I wanted to scream cry etc but that won’t make it any better will it?  Is it right to post things like this and bore every one with my moans and self pity or do I keep it to myself until my head explodes? Every thing feels wrong. I am so pathetic and so fed up.

I was have a really bad day mentally and physically, awful pain, dizziness and feeling sick and a brain that just wouldn’t work, to name but a few of the symptoms.  Some of the symptoms are getting quite scary, the numbness and tingling in my feet, legs, arms, hands and face, the awful dizziness that makes it hard to even sit up and the brain that feels like it has ceased up.  I finally decided to make a Drs appt, but it is 2 weeks away and I know she can’t do anything, so I may even cancel it before I go, I don’t like wasting her time or stopping other people being able to get seen.

I have thrown myself into the awareness campaign, but that it not really a good thing to do as it shows how not to do things!! But hey ho. I have depressed myself by watching C word and Stranger on the Bridge and convinced myself that I am truly pathetic and moaning about nothing. I had a really bad day yesterday, mentally and physically. I ended up doing quite a bit of writing laid on the floor and had a chat with Rob whilst Emily was out so I feel a bit more settled. Just got to see how the next few days go, I have things to do so won’t have as much time to think, but it will be hard physically and I will pay the price again.

This what I wrote, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg

Going over the old stuff made me realise what a lot we have been through and that we have got through it, but it also makes me want to be able to make the most of life now and we can’t.  One of the pieces written way back mentioned my weight falling to 7st 3!  Ha that’s ancient history I have not been over 7 stone since losing my post pregnancy weight and I do eat.  When I used to see the CFS Dr all she ever said was put on weight you will feel better, actually it makes no difference as long as I can keep around 6st 11 or 12 which is sometimes hard I am happy with that, I can’t be doing with any other pressures, but I do have to make the effort to eat properly sometimes to avoid my weight dropping to the lowest I got at 6st 8, but I am never going to be a big person and please don’t try to feed me up as eating too much upsets my stomach and makes it harder to keep the weight on.
I really must stop now, but leave you with these




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