Painful music

Have you ever notice that songs are usually about some powerful emotion, usually love or loss.

Last weekend when it was cold and we kept saying oh the wind is so cold and song popped into my head and have been bugging me ever since, I finally looked it up today it is It’s all coming back to me now by Celine Dion, there is also a Meatloaf version.

There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window

There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can’t remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it’s all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It’s so hard to believe but
It’s all coming back to me
(It’s all coming back, it’s all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things I’d never do again
But then they’d always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow
Baby Baby

If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it’s all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it’s all coming back to me
It’s so hard to resist
And it’s all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it’s all coming back to me now
But it’s all coming back

There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper

There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we’d count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever

But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that
It was so long ago
But it’s all coming back to me
If you touch me like this
And if I kiss you like that
It was gone with the wind
But it’s all coming back to me
(It’s all coming back, it’s all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things we’d never do again
But then they’d always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than all your laws allow
Baby, Baby, Baby

When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it’s all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it’s all coming back to me now

If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it’s all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
We see just what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall but it’s all coming back to me now

(It’s all coming back to me now)
And when you kiss me like this
(It’s all coming back to me now)
And when I touch you like that
(It’s all coming back to me now)
If you do it like this
(It’s all coming back to me now)
And if we, , ,

I assume that like many songs this is about the break up of a relationship,or a death of a loved one, but it also struck me that it could also be about loss of a previous life or relationship with someone you are still with as happens to those of us with long term or life changing illness.  You lose the old you, relationships with family and friends change.  You can’t be the wife, mother daughter etc that you were and want to be.  Apparently the song was inspired by Wuthering Heights.  There are always things happening that remind you of how things were in the past and how much you want it back.

Emily is learning See You Again by Charlie Puth.  Again it’s a song about loss;


It’s been a long day without you my friend
And I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again
We’ve come a long way from where we began
Oh, I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again

Why’d you have to leave so soon?
Why’d you have to go?
Why’d you have to leave me when I needed you the most?

‘Cause I don’t really know how to tell ya
Without feeling much worse
I know you’re in a better place
But it’s always gonna hurt

Carry on
Give me all the strength I need to carry on

It’s been a long day without you my friend
And I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again
We’ve come a long way from where we began
Oh, I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again

Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
Oohh

How do I breathe without you
I’m feeling so cold
I’ll be waiting right here for ya
Till the day you’re home

Carry on
Give me all the strength I need to carry on

So let the light guide your way
Hold every memory as you go
And every road you take will always lead you home, home

It’s been a long day without you my friend
And I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again
We’ve come a long way from where we began
Oh, I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again

Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
Oohh

When I see you again
See you again
When I see you again
It could easily be someone waiting for their health to return and wanting to catch up with the old life.  Maybe!
Living with Chronic illness is an ongoing grief process, feelings of loss and always hoping the old life will return.  The old life is gone and no matter if we got well again the impact of the illness would have lasting effects and you would never just go back to the old life.  So much time has passed and changes happen all the time, memories always seem very appealing, but I am not sure many of us would want to go back to the old us.  I think we have all learned a lot whilst being ill and hopefully would actually be a better person than we used to be, but it’s all a big unknown which is why the past seems more attractive.
I a not sure if much of this makes sense, my brain is like mush and my concentration rubbish, but I need to do something to occupy my mind and keep some of the thoughts and issues of every day life at bay for a while.  So what do I do, talk about sad songs, ah well


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