Well it’s been a stressful weekend with awful events happening affecting people close to me and although I am not directly involved or affected it has been very distressing and makes me feel so helpless and annoyed with myself for complaining about my own issues which seem quite trivial in comparison. It also makes me push myself to do more as I feel I have nothing to complain about. I know I am not well and need to rest, but when I try I can’t settle it’s a bit of a nightmare really, but I just have to do what I can.
I feel guilty as I want to do something for myself, but because of all the things happening and priorities changing I am not able to. It was quilting at the weekend and I really wanted to go, but there were no places, and as it happened I probably wouldn’t have been up to it so I ended up stuck at home again. Tomorrow night I was booked to do a bath bomb making class with Emily, I knew it would be difficult, but really wanted to do it, but just today it got cancelled. It was a relief and a frustration as I know I won’t get another chance at it. Then I beat myself up for being selfish when other people are suffering much more.
We are still trying to get Emily’s new room finished off, it is a struggle for me as it is up two flights of stairs I can only go up if I rest after one flight and have to limit how many times I do go up there. It is all taking shape and we should be happy with what we have done and be proud of it, but I feel more embarrassed and don’t want people to think we are showing off or spoiling Emily. Most of the work has been done by other people so is not ours to be proud of except that we enabled it and paid for it of course (more embarrassment). Now it’s down to us to get things in place and the rest of the house back to normal. I am ashamed that I can’t get more done and that it is taking so long instead of being proud of the bits I do manage to get done or persuade Rob to get done, embarrassing nagging wife!
As many of you know I dabble in crafty projects, but never think my things are good enough or have any pride in what I make and it takes away the pleasure in what I do. I also feel guilty for doing something I enjoy when there are important things to be done or other peoples needs to be met. I don’t want people to think I sit around having fun all day. A lot of the time I struggle to do anything because of pain, dizziness and cognitive problems. I started my blog to have a record of what I make, so I can see what I do achieve and also to make notes about where I got things from and how I made them and to share ideas, not to show off. My makes are usually quite simple as I like simple things and they are easier for me to concentrate on anything complicated or fiddly fries my brain! But then I see other people’s makes or magazines and I think my stuff is so basic and too simple for anyone to like it, then I get put off and make less.
I feel like I have to swallow my pride so much as I have help in the house and need a lot of help from Rob for every day life to tick over. It should be me who does those things, that is what Mum’s do, don’t they?
They say pride comes before a fall according to English club.com
“Possible interpretation: If we are too proud about ourselves or something, we will probably meet with failure or disaster. When we are too self-important or conceited, something is sure to happen to make us look foolish.
Note: pride (noun) = an excessively high opinion of oneself or one’s importance | A variation of this proverb is: “Pride goes before a fall.”
“Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.” ( Kahlil Gibran, Sand and Foam) This word pride is very confusing.
You should take pride in your appearance and you’re house etc, but too much is showing off, not enough and you are thought not to care. Is there a right and wrong, how do we find the balance? This seems to be a question that I come across in so many situations. How do I do my best to create the right appearance and do the right thing without showing off, or appearing not to care or worrying or doing too much, too little etc, etc. whilst keeping within my limited energy. I never wear make up and can’t do my hair for myself, I wear comfy warm clothes and shoes from necessity not because I don’t care. I often hate the way I look or the state my house is in and other such things, but we can’t always keep up appearances. For those who are old enough to remember the programme I feel more like Daisy than Rose or Hyacinth!!
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