How can I feel I am making progress? Instead of feeling that I am stuck in time and missing out on things and the world moves on without me. I see my daughter growing up and becoming independent and learning so much, she has taken a GCSE this year and has full GCSE’s next year and is thinking about A levels, although she can’t decide which to do. Due to my health problems, although not diagnosed till I was 27, I missed out on a lot of being a teenager and education. I have a handful of GCSE’s and no A levels. Although I did eventually go to Uni, by a roundabout route, but never got into working as I was too ill by then.
I muddle along making my cards as and when I can and have got involved with a Dementia UK fundraiser and I am making some stuff for a hedgehog rescue charity too. Dementia Uk is a 30 day craft challenge for June. Everyone is doing it a bit differently. I can’t craft every day, but as it coincided with me finally getting a functioning shop I listed 30 cards I already had and from those that sell I will donate the money to Dementia UK. Not sold many, some people have made a donation as well. Some people are being sponsored to make something every day. It’s interesting to see what other are doing, but also means I have bought several things, but they are all for gifts.
I am also doing stuff for a hedgehog rescue, Prickly Edge. I am making some hedgehog themed stuff for the person who runs the charity, but also stuff for them to sell at a craft fair in July. It’s quite fun looking at hedgehog stuff, but of course I ended up buying dies. I am supposed to be making gift tags for them to tie to some mug gift sets they have been given, they are really time consuming as I have to die cut the tag, then die cut the logo stick them together and add ribbon and label, she wants 45 for July and 45 for Christmas!
I am also knitting awareness ribbons for a YBTC brain tumour charity for them to sell for Children’s cancer week in Sept! They are simple and quick to make, but I know I have taken on too many things. I end up crafting one day and then spending the next day in bed!
It’s my birthday on Thursday and as usual I am struggling with the fact that I am still ill and so stuck in a rut and want to be able to achieve something and be able to see progress or that I actually do something. Next year I will be 52 and it occurred to me that there are 52 weeks in a year so that would be a way of measuring progress, but I am at a loss to know how. Whilst I want to achieve more and make progress I am severely hampered by my health and often can’t do anything or make myself worse by doing too much. It is also my 21st wedding Anniversary and 16 years since I found out I was pregnant with Emily and all that time my husband and daughter have been also affected by my limitations.
I have now been ill for half my life and unable to work since I was 29. Birthdays just seem to mark another year of being ill and stuck in the same place.
If anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them, at this rate it will take me a year to work out what I want to do!
There is so much I want to do this week, but know I have to limit myself and have already done too much and it’s only Tues! On my birthday I want to go out during the day and then maybe for a meal in the evening I wanted to feel ok to do something, but it’s not looking good, although we will do something even if I feel awful, it just won’t be much fun. As mentioned above it is a special day for all of us so what to be able to do something nice for us all. On Saturday we are going to a concert which means I can’t attend the event I would like to go to on Sunday, nor can I go to a college open day on Saturday with my daughter.