New Year Resolutions pt8 Family & Friends

At the beginning of each year many of us think this will be the year we make changes and get more out off life and become happy. In reality, not much changes and by the end of the year we feel bad for not having achieved anything that feels worthwhile.

Apparently the top 10 New Year resolutions are ;

  1. Exercise more
  2. Lose weight
  3. Get organized
  4. Learn a new skill or hobby 
  5. Live life to the fullest
  6. Save more money / spend less money
  7. Quit smoking
  8. Spend more time with family and friends
  9. Travel more
  10. Read more

I would like to do most these too, except for losing weight and quitting smoking, they are all big things, but we believe that they will make us more happy. Many people will have already given up, or like me won’t even have started yet as life gets in the way and most of the things we want are too vague and we feel overwhelmed by it or just realise it is not realistic. Then of course we get annoyed and feel like we have failed.

I have decided to write a post about each resolution, I would love to say I will do one a day, but know that is far beyond me, one a week would take us to the end of March!! So will just have to see how it goes and how much I ramble on or get distracted by other things, I am way behind even the once a week schedule, so much for resolutions! Well it’s nearly April and here I am still talking about New Year, is it me that’s slow or the year that is fast!!

No 8. Spend more time with family and friends

As I went to start this post I got an email saying that my Friends and Family railcard has expired, I can’t get another as Emily is too old for a child fare. I can get a disabled persons railcard, but I don’t have a valid award letter as PIP still under review from last April. Ah well won’t be going on ay trips any time soon.

I am always beating myself up about this and feel that I am a rubbish friend and family member.

I always feel that we should see family more, but as they all live 40 miles away it’s not just pop in for a cuppa and usually means we have to be away from home overnight to fit everyone in and not feel like we are dashing in and out and not actually seeing anyone. I try to be in touch as much as I can, but not being able to use the phone makes it hard when others don’t like/use messengers. Everyone seems to into video chats now, I can’t hear a thing on them it sounds just awful. Trying to organise meet ups is so hard to get everyone available at the same time and the getting ready and travelling is hard work, I always forget half my stuff, then have to go to shops to get something or manage without or borrow of someone and it makes me feel so stupid. It’s usually due to trying to pack stuff whilst thinking about what else needs doing or remembering or whilst someone else is asking me stuff.

Visiting is hard work as you are trying to take in so much information from people and away from home. I have to sacrifice rests as I don’t want to be ignorant and waste the usually short time that we have and trying to sort out what we are doing with who. Last time we visited I ended up spending half the time in bed as I was very unwell and then lost several days when we got home. I am usually the one who tries to make arrangements, but it’s like trying to herd cats! Then just when you think you are sorted someone puts a spanner in the works and it’s back to square one.

At the moment Emily has so many school commitments with exam preparation, that everything else has ground to a halt and we have to be a daily, including weekends, taxi service and even when not at school she can’t be out too long as there is so much to do. The exams aren’t taking into account that they missed best part of two years school and expect them to be up to standard and if not to fit two years work into a few weeks. School are cramming in as many extra sessions as they can, but not really listening to what the students need to learn so it’s often a waste of time and very frustrating. Thankfully it’s not long now and then we will be able to catch up with people again.

Totally irrelevant as we don’t have any babies in the family now, but love this!!!

We don’t really have close friends, you know the type you do everything with and you go out and have fun with. I don’t know how much of that is because of me being ill and having limited contact with people and how much is my difficulty with interacting with people. I never feel like I quite fit. A Third Bliss blog says;

“It’s normal to feel like you don’t belong from time to time and you don’t really fit in.

Maybe you’re around people who are sort of like you, maybe talk like you, even act like you, but some part of yourself still doesn’t quite fit in with them.

And when you’re surrounded by people who seem to know everything – and who seem to know all the answers – it can be hard not to feel like an outsider.

But let me tell you something: You are not alone. There are thousands of people out there just like you who feel like they don’t belong either.

And guess what? That’s okay! It’s actually quite normal.  Everyone has a unique perspective on things and no one person is alike.  If we were all the same then the world would be a far less interesting place.

Nevertheless, when you don’t belong, you’re never quite sure where you stand.

You look around and it seems like everyone else has their own group and they all seem to get along so well and you wish you could share the same camaraderie.

Feeling like you don’t belong anywhere can make you question your place in the world and eat at your self-confidence.”

The article sites the following reason for feeling that way;

Your characteristics & traits don’t fit in – We all feel like we don’t belong sometimes. We may feel like we don’t fit in, that we’re not good enough, or that we don’t fit the mould of what a person is supposed to be like”. Yep
You have a disability” “Disabilities such as physical disabilities or mental disabilities can make it difficult for you to navigate in the world and can make you feel like you don’t belong” .Yep
You’re a cynical person” sometimes
You don’t fit the “standard“”
You have trouble getting along with others” “You may have a hard time feeling a sense of belonging because you find it difficult to relate to other people.  You think that they are too judgmental and critical of your beliefs, values, and actions.  Or that they just don’t seem to understand where you’re coming from and why you act the way you do.” Yep
You have trouble getting along with others” “You have difficulty making genuine connections with others because you’re scared of getting hurt or rejected.” Yep
You are in your head too much“. “One of the reasons why you lack a sense of belonging is the tendency to overthink or self-monitor. When you are inside your head too much, you are not in the present moment. You are either thinking about what happened in the past or worrying about what will happen in the future”. “One of the reasons why you lack a sense of belonging is the tendency to overthink or self-monitor.  When you are inside your head too much, you are not in the present moment. You are either thinking about what happened in the past or worrying about what will happen in the future”. Yep
“You are awkward, quiet, and shy” “You are afraid of speaking your mind because you often feel awkward, quiet, or shy around other people.  You feel like an outsider in every group or social setting, even with your closest friends”. Yep
You lack self-confidence“. “You lack confidence in yourself, which is why you feel unsure and you constantly doubt yourself.  There could be many reasons why you lack self-confidence or self-esteem”. Yep

The blog article summarises the feelings much better than I could myself and can be seen in full at Third Bliss if you can cope with all the adds

Most of the people I know now are online and many of them I have never met face to face and even then I don’t really feel like I belong, even with like minded people.

How do you define a friend? “a person you know well and like, and who is not usually a member of your family” (OED). These days we talk about friends in a much more general way as people you have on your social media are called friends, many of these people you may not even know that well.

This has just popped up on my Facebook

I’d love to have a close friend to do things together and spend time together, but it would be hard work and often expensive too. I have friends who I talk to, but feel guilty if I haven’t been in touch with them, but then realise I am almost always the one who makes contact, I am beginning to realise that it’s not my fault at all and maybe I am not cut out for close friends. The influence of TV programmes and social media posts makes us feel we are missing out, but often life is not that rosy at all.

I often feel that my closest friend is my cat, but then she is family anyway. She is often the one who knows when I need company or comfort and she snuggles up with me when I am on my own and follows me around to see what I am doing. In return, nothing is without strings, I house her, feed her, play with her, attend to her at 3am and accept/dispose of her gifts!

So what can I do? I don’t have the energy to go out and find friends and have been let down and messed about so many times perhaps I am better by myself. Would be lovely to feel this way though and would love Pooh to be my friend;

Us Two

Wherever I am, there’s always Pooh,
There’s always Pooh and Me.
Whatever I do, he wants to do,
“Where are you going today?” says Pooh:
“Well, that’s very odd ‘cos I was too.
Let’s go together,” says Pooh, says he.
“Let’s go together,” says Pooh.

“What’s twice eleven?” I said to Pooh.
(“Twice what?” said Pooh to Me.)
“I think it ought to be twenty-two.”
“Just what I think myself,” said Pooh.
“It wasn’t an easy sum to do,
But that’s what it is,” said Pooh, said he.
“That’s what it is,” said Pooh.

“Let’s look for dragons,” I said to Pooh.
“Yes, let’s,” said Pooh to Me.
We crossed the river and found a few-
“Yes, those are dragons all right,” said Pooh.
“As soon as I saw their beaks I knew.
That’s what they are,” said Pooh, said he.
“That’s what they are,” said Pooh.

“Let’s frighten the dragons,” I said to Pooh.
“That’s right,” said Pooh to Me.
“I’m not afraid,” I said to Pooh,
And I held his paw and I shouted “Shoo!
Silly old dragons!”- and off they flew.

“I wasn’t afraid,” said Pooh, said he,
“I’m never afraid with you.”

So wherever I am, there’s always Pooh,
There’s always Pooh and Me.
“What would I do?” I said to Pooh,
“If it wasn’t for you,” and Pooh said: “True,
It isn’t much fun for One, but Two,
Can stick together, says Pooh, says he. “That’s how it is,” says Pooh

This popped up on my Facebook too, definitely never happens to me!

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